if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
