This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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