I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
try to milk me bitch
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