just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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