Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
