i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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