also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
