I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
