Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
