the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
