toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my being single is dangerous.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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