this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
