On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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