How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
