Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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