Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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