screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
