community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
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There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
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I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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