i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
