i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
