It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
