You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
