I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
