dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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