you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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