every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
