Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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