dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
