The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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