a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
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I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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