just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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