She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
