Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
