Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
