my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
