Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
