While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
