according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
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Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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