how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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