As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My vagina is officially offended.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
