fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
