i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
