so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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