Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize