nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
