I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
