a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We had sex on a dog bed..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
