Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
