nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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