I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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