A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize