Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
