Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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