why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
