At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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