I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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