And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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