Me. At least after what I've been through.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
