im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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