I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
