If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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