Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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