So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
