If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
