It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
