she woke up with a sticky ear
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
