That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
