If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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