she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
