Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
