Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
