Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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